Choosing Vulnerability at 22

In recent months, headlines have been filled with concern about young men — falling behind academically, struggling with confidence, disconnected from purpose, increasingly isolated.

Most of that conversation is led by researchers, commentators, and older generations trying to explain what’s happening. At Lighthouse Communications, we believe those perspectives matter. But so does hearing directly from the people living it. When Lighthouse founder Anne Ricketts gave me — the new intern — my first assignment, it was this:

Listen to Scott Galloway’s podcast episode, “Why Young Men Are Struggling Right Now,” and share how it lands from your perspective.

So I did. And it made me reflect on my own story, here’s a little about me.

I grew up in Charlotte, North Carolina, raised by a single mom. From a young age, I struggled to express my emotions. Somewhere along the way, I internalized the idea that showing feelings was weakness. One specific memory stands out.

The Puffy Coat

When I was 11, my mom made me wear a big puffy coat to school. She said it would keep me warm. All I could think was that it made me look fat. I was already worried about being “the chubby kid.” That coat felt like a spotlight on my insecurity. But I never told her how it made me feel. I assumed she wouldn’t understand.

Looking back, it’s striking how much weight that jacket carried in my mind. But the real issue wasn’t the coat. It was my silence.

All Mixed Up

As puberty started, things got harder. School shootings became routine headlines. Emotions felt layered and confusing — happy and scared, angry and numb, sometimes all in the same day. I didn’t know how to name what I was feeling. So I didn’t talk about it.

That’s something Galloway points to: many young men aren’t shown what healthy masculinity looks like. We’re told to be strong — but not taught how to process fear, doubt, or insecurity. So we stay quiet.

Changing the Pattern

At 22, I’m still unlearning that silence. Avoiding vulnerability hasn’t made me stronger. It’s made things heavier. After listening to Galloway, I started asking myself a simple question:

What has actually helped?

Here are three actions that have made me more open — and, ironically, more confident.

1. Disconnect from Screens (Start Small)

Last year, I lost a relationship because I was more focused on my phone than the person in front of me. My Instagram feed constantly showed perfect bodies, perfect couples, perfect lives. After scrolling, I’d feel insecure and restless. Instead of talking about it, I pulled away. I stopped really listening.

Later I realized social media was fueling insecurity and affected that relationship, I started to rethink my phone habits.

First, I set time limits. I checked my screen time and put a one-hour cap on social media apps. Just that awareness alone changed my behavior.

Then I took a bigger step. I started putting my phone in another room. At dinner. When studying. Before bed. Not having it within reach made it easier to be present — and harder to scroll mindlessly.

Finally, I tried something more drastic. I did a full detox for a weekend. No Instagram. No TikTok. No endless scrolling.

The first day felt uncomfortable. The second day felt quiet. By the end, I noticed something surprising: I felt calmer and clearer.

Galloway talks about how social media amplifies insecurity in young men. I’ve felt that firsthand. Stepping back didn’t magically fix everything — but it gave me space to think for myself again.

If you’re feeling stuck, start small. Set limits. Put the phone in another room. Try a one-day or weekend reset.

2. Face Insecurity Head-On

The puffy jacket made me feel insecure, but it was never really about the jacket. My weight shaped how I saw myself and how I acted around others. I could have kept blaming the coat and stayed distant, but eventually I realized the real issue was mine to face.

Working on that insecurity was not easy. It is still one of the hardest things I have done. But I stopped avoiding it when I understood something important. No one else was going to fix it for me.

You can build confidence in simple ways.

Be active at least once a week. When I first started, I thought I had to do everything at once. I tried lifting, running, and other workouts in a single session and burned out quickly. What changed was focusing on one step at a time. I started with 30-minute walks, then extended them, then added weight training. Starting small created consistency, and consistency built confidence.

Commit to a conversation with someone new. Talking to people used to scare me. During my first semester of college, I felt lost and worried about saying the wrong thing. One day I told someone, “I like your tattoos.” That simple comment turned into a three-hour conversation and my first real college friendship. Reaching out felt small, but it shifted something. Taking one step made the next one easier.

3. Build Community Outside Of Your Immediate Friend Group

After cutting back on screens and working on your own confidence, the next step is building real community with people beyond your usual circle. That might mean joining something new at school, at work, or in your neighborhood. We thrive in groups. Being part of something helps us feel seen, valued, and understood.

When I started college, I struggled to find my people. At the end of my first semester, a professor suggested I try the speech and debate team. I hesitated. I had a bad experience with debate in high school and expected more of the same. Still, I went to the interest meeting.

Instead of the judgment I feared, I walked into a room full of energy and encouragement. For the first time in a while, I felt accepted. I ended up spending three years on the team and qualifying for nationals twice. But what I remember most are the long van rides, the inside jokes, and the feeling that I belonged.

Taking that risk expanded my world. Sometimes building community starts with walking into a room you almost talked yourself out of entering.

Final Takeaways

Many young men in Generation Z are dealing with real challenges. But the deeper issue isn’t weakness. It’s silence.

We’re rarely taught how to talk about our emotions. We mistake vulnerability for failure. In reality, vulnerability is strength. It’s the starting point for growth, connection, and stability.

Galloway encourages action — and part of that action is honesty. Set small goals. Try new things. Step away from digital noise. Have a real conversation.

Everyone moves at their own pace. There’s no need to compare yourself to celebrities or curated lives online. Focus on your own growth. Be proud of your progress. We all have different paths. But none of us have to walk them in silence.